red.red. i pissed my bed

not really. I have stopped thinking and started doing.

feels good!

rough

I scanned some images this morning.

I don't know how they will all come together.

i am thinking a very small triptych or two triptychs.

I am having a problem relating my points of

interests and their convergence. Trying to make images

speak, intersect and build on a concept or a feeling is always so hard for me.

+ i am shooting again.

Order|Rules|Regulations

for the last three or so days i have been happy, the type of happy that makes me

worried, expecting a big crash to come at the end of it all. I think the vitamins are

beginning to help even me out. B complex, magnesium and calcium are a godsend. Or

it could be that the prayer and meditation is finally working.

I got two organizers today and went through a year of paper, it is amazing how much of

it i kept. My life is now organized in 30 folders and there is this amazing sense of

accomplishment. I think i am finding new ways of ignoring all the work I have to do.

Cleaning, reading, walking and of course the old means of escape is always there as well.

I have started shooting some film again, true sign that I am in between lost and found. On any

other day I would find myself deep in anxiety but something out of the ordinary, extraordinary is happening to me. In the last few days I have seen a lot of art and my mind seems sponge-ish and my tongue looser. I am doing all sorts of multi tasking and it finally seems as though some sort of normalcy is creeping back in after the hell of last year.

Or i just could be having a good day.

quenip!

glorious morning and my mood is completely synchronized,

on friday I went deep into brooklyn and found some

quineps, chinets, ackees - true sign of the existing melting pot

that i come from. They come from the Dominican Republic although

the vendor swore they were from Trinidad. He was wrong and

I am now the holder of a export tag.

My mother still tells me to be careful when i eat them, the slippery

deliciousness is all that i could ask for this morning.

a new route

I have decided upon leaving my internship on thursdays,

fridays and on tuesdays once a month, I will do it

by walking over the brooklyn bridge and taking a new path

uptown until my feet hurt. note to self, blisters

really hurt & buy a pair of sneakers.

Now a word from our sponsors!!!

Fellowship & Open Call Opportunities
www.airgallery.org

wish.

i took my camera with me today,

the ferries were gleaming at sundown

and all the ships in the new york harbor spoke

rapidly to me at the same time.

hustle

dock **thership

Oh captain, my captain

the art of walking

I am reading Rebecca Solnit's "Wanderlust" and it has inspired me to get out of my head and really be with myself. Walking was something that I never really considered before. The repetition of motion coupled with the solace and surprising freedom that I have experienced since I have taken it up is really a pure joy. She writes so intricately weaving histories of walkers, paths, gardens, aristocrats, philosophers and of course experience, it makes me in many ways jealous. Her share knowledge is intimidating, alarming and of course beyond all of that inspirational.

Just as I was beginning to welcome the idea of some time alone it was cut short, it is fine though as I have this whole world to explore now that I am willing and the thought of doing it alone which was once a scary thought, now I welcome. Through the drizzle in Chelsea I traversed through many galleries most of which were new to me, I say this with a lot of shame as I should have gotten out a lot more last year. I didn't.

13. That is about 7 more than planned and tonight as I lay in bed another prayer ascends. Objects, Installations, Photographs, Video, Painting and writing in excess. Not the bloated type of excess but the kind where it begins to feel like a soft warm place. My favorites from the day Nazaket Ekici's 8 channel video Installation "Kopfsonate" @ Claire Oliver Gallery. The thing that stuck me about this was the audio and how it synced with the body to create so many questions for me, questions about tempo, perspective, the function of repetition, the body as subject and object. I love the way it was installed uncomplicated and clean.

Another was Maysey Craddock "Borderland" the vintage photographs with gouache that managed to fill in space and time, updating the idea of the found archive. The way they were installed was what i was most interested in, and the space around each of them, how the colors complimented but also gave direction on how to fill in your personal story into each of these photographs. It functioned.

The reason I really wanted and itched to go to Chelsea was to see Simen Johan's "Until the Kingdom Comes". Stepping into a gallery with preconcieved notions is always something that i am aware of. Needless to say the share size of the prints was astonishing and I couldn't help but read into all of them as sublime and oddly religious. I think the theme of honoring and respecting nature and merging it between real and unreal is really hard. A challenge, he pulls it off in this really weird way, I am not the type of person to sit down and judge quality of prints

etc but standing next to the images I felt dwarfed, humbled and honored to be a part of this world. I was sad that there was only one sculptural piece present, it was what i was drawn to more than anything. It was intricate and had many treasures running through this collection of (cock fowl) feathers: beetles, eggs, smaller birds, larger ones, dead embryos. I wanted to reach into it and dig around and smell it all.

Other notable mentions were Kara Walker and Sikkema Jenkins her video piece is a must see and Peter Hujar @ Matthew Marks mostly his early works. By the time I was through four hours had passed and I was famished, so I had to skip Maya Lin. I took myself out for a late late lunch then saw Inglorious Basterds by far my favorite QT movie ever. I heart Hans Landa & Aldo, it is all about the dialogue and the awkward laugh out loud (read snort) humor. I found it blisteringly funny, vicious and hopefully romantic rewriting history and all.

I also saw my first dead body in New York today, car accident @ 40th and 8th Avenue, the street was littered with police and shocked faces. I tried not to look, I tried really really hard not to look, but the stains on the white got to me.

gloomy friday

new york is grey today. it seems like summer just decided to drop off

the face of the earth without saying a proper goodbye. It is always hard

for me to accept the lack of light that is going to happen discretely from

now till sometime in March/April.

all the lights are on in my space this morning, my coffee is hot and I am

procrastinating in a beautiful head space, not in any seriousness but in

a "my god i need two more hours". I was jarred awake from a dream about

my grandmother and another family friend who passed away when i was at

home this summer. I have been dreaming of the elderly a lot recently. I guess

age is on my mind.

I have been alone for the last six days at first it felt odd, like I would go crazy but on the third day it began to feel really good. I need space and solitude and just when I think maybe I am the opposite type of personality mornings like these say other wise. The opening at A.I.R went really well, I guess it isn't the type of environment but I really loved it, seeing so many people come to see art, talk, get drunk, smile, support each other. It was all about the love, and even though i didn't get to see much, today I go back and will take the time to see it all.

I guess this morning I feel good. I haven't felt good in a long time. I have this really ambitious list for the weekend which includes:

I. finishing my website (ha)!

II. see some shows

I know most of these wont happen but I refuse to treat NYC the way I did last year. I'll embrace her with love, she is culturally unique, unlike any other place on earth. So much beauty and resilience, especially today.

artwalking.

I painted.

spotted

ran wine errands

taped

hung lights..fixed fixtures

..dug through storage rooms for white paint, artist portfolios

more light fixtures, taped, tipped a sweet cabbie from Florida..

had breakfast and lunch outside under the brooklyn and the manhattan,

swept, met two artists and felt oddly motivated.

I guess it is officially NYC art season. I plan to see a lot of things

this time around and not get suckered into going home or just

being fixated but really enjoying all that is art.

Started things off going down to Cheim & Read to see "Women looking at Women", I love and I hate the environment of "Chelsea".

The show however is a stunner, a room full of women examining, piercing, forcing, subduing and subverting each other. I think what stood out most to me were the double images by Holzer

and this painting by Marlene Dumas

. Funny thing I saw the retrospective for her at the MoMA earlier this year and it didn't impress me. Maybe i was afraid to see.

I love how she interprets light, her brush stroke is so thick and dense, and i love when she gives way to color, and the power of gesture. All in all a good way to return to the zone. I also headed to see Fudong's film "Seven Intellectuals in a Bamboo forest", run time of 5 hours, I managed to get through half of it then nodded off and left not because it was boring but Part I took me away to a land of fog, mystery, slow heavy breaths. He does magnificent work dealing with relationships, I love how he uses white/blown out/whitewhitewhite and dialogue. Is the word expound? a subject as an expounder, abstractly and very loosely so.

And much more to come. I am tired but it is a good tired and out of whatever space I was in mentally last week. I guess i can say thank god for art.

today

i read on the balcony until it was to chilly.

cleaned & rearranged.

drank a lot of water & vitamins.

procrastinated.

saved files for web.

looked at the archive again.

skyped

plugged in the hot light.

learnt some html.

finished watching "my so called life".

converted video.

talked to ritty.

read my tarot card.

unplugged appliances that weren't in use.

realized you have to keep photos and young children at distance.

a hippy affair

After settling into school somewhat awkwardly, I spent yesterday and today

trying to reorient my energy and my confidence. Both have been shaken

tremendously and I really cant say why, I guess there is a lot floating around

up in me gulliver with regards to my future, and sometimes I find that I have trouble isolating, making clear and just navigating through it all.

I have to remember to be kinder and gentler to everyone around me and

mostly myself. I tend to be a mile a minute person, where words are scattered

and disorganized in a maze like system, trying to have my tongue corporate is a pain. AIR gallery also has a new intern, Moi, met with Kat Griefen and really loved the energy and the style and so eager to be working on something new. I start on Tuesday and will be committing a lot of time to the cause. Today we went to the renaissance festival what an event, dress up and nerd-dom complimenting each other. I ate badly and was enamored with all the color and people forcing the last hours out of the fading summer.

I still have a lot to figure out this year and I hope the strength arrives. I have been praying a lot recently, more so than usual. For health, courage, and a strong spirit. I figured out that I am also a little paranoid ;).

Enjoy the snaps.

9

June 6th 1980