getting my shit together

I have begun making streams of lists on

almost every piece of paper i touch. I cant seem to leave

dates, times and spaces empty anymore. There is this

conscious urge to occupy myself with everything

so i can force myself to interact with parts of me I haven't

before.

this year the word is fearless. it has to be. I prepared a statement

to read during an artist talk that was postponed, I was all sorts

of excited for the opportunity. Holly a while aback would have

had a panic attack and tried multiple ways to avoid it.

I think i need more of these challenges in my life. There has been

large format printing, getting frustrated with video,

colors, thoughts, and myself. But mostly i think i am happy, in a sort

of weird moment that is prolonged now as I think back on the past weeks

since i have retuned to the big city.

I love my school, I was walking through the halls this morning

before anyone got here and looked at the lights that lined down the corridor

and mused to myself that in a couple weeks it would be a sight no more for me. It saddened me, it has come and gone to fast. It isn't over but i feel the end approaching fast. This thesis show ordeal is bugging me out and i am constantly shifting through ways to sort and manage the neuroses that come up. I think I am managing plus it helps that I think the work is in a state now where many things can happen.

I just don't want to stop doing. If i learned anything at procuring this degree

is that stopping isn't for someone like me. I need to be in constant motion,

I need to be bombarded and challenged. I want my mind to forever be a sponge. I want to feel out of sorts, not good enough and beat myself up. There is a strange element of joy I attain through it all.

love and light

H

meek and mild

One of my few goals this semester was

to try to see if i can get a web presence that

i could update and contain. I got a new domain but

finding someone to do it has been to hard. After

sitting down with this http://hbynoe.otherpeoplespixels.com/

for a couple minutes, I think right now i am going

to spend some money and get a template site so I can

sell myself after I leave the institution. I quite like it and

it will be a platform for me to share a lot and write as well.

Tell me what you guys think if you ever make it around to

this end.

The semester is speeding to a close at an uncomfortable speed

for me. I feel as though I haven't done much at all but I know it isn't

true. My solo thesis show is coming up on the 19th of March I was freaking out

until I found that creating completely wipes out the anxiety for me. So i am up

again at a god forsaken hour praying for 2 gigs of extra memory for my

slow as snail photoshop.

I tried printing the collages today on newsprint. I was using Ilford Gallerie

Silk paper but decided that it was a little to precious for them and maybe they

need to be un-contained. I will be hanging my work for open studios sometime tomorrow or early Wednesday then I am gone for a couple weeks. I have been having some really insanely beautiful days this past month. I don't know what I am doing right but whatever it is my heart feels good.

Below:

Meek and Mild.

1940

my grandfather and his brother.

these collages keep rescuing me

they keep changing and challenging

me. Finally I am at a place where

it seems as though nature and intuition

is pulling me. I am in tow. A lot of the

text is lost because of the size. These

are going to live large: 20x30. They deserve

it.