all up in the gutter

Jessica came down today and I guess that the stress of summer is starting to get to me, that faint feeling of anxiety and paranoia raising its head. It feels like crunch time but really it isn't, this is how I consciously motivate myself. I freak out and give myself a hard time. That being said I feel good about what is going on, mostly I feel relieved that my push came to a shove and something substantial will come from it all.

I am waiting for a boat, for a captain and hoping that when i get back from St. Lucia it will all fall into place. Today I found a recording that was done when i was 6 and my sister 4, it made me laugh so hard I cried, or I just cried. It is beautiful when things like that resurface and there is some semblance. I am going to rest and try to get back on my diet, I feel a lot of frustration awakening in me from dropping off the ball. All I have to do is set a goal.